I don't know what the fuck I was thinking
I bring you to my house as a friend in my kitchen
You offer to make the tea
Naturally I say yes
You're my guest so I take the offer gratefully
But then what I see makes my heart burst
You've only gone and put the fucking milk in first!
You must be out of your mind!
It looks like you went and poured about half a pint
Now even with the boiling water
My tea's already lukewarm
Man where the fuck were you born!
You destroyed a thing that was sacred
Pour it down the sink
Let me show you how to make it
Tea bag in first
Pour the water on top
Shut up man I'll tell you when to stop!
Then you know exactly how much milk is required
Making assumptions on how I like it
Woah woah woah!
What you doing?
Don't let the tea bag sit there brewing!
You gotta stir straight away don't stop
Otherwise you get that weird scum on the top
What is that stuff?
And then you put my sugar in
What you leave it for!
Didn't even stir it in
What did you think it would disintegrate itself?
Bruv you need to go and see a shrink and get some help
You chose the wrong brother's cuppa to mess with
Now go and get me a motherfucking digestive
Stay the hell away from my cup bitch
Don't even meddle with my kettle
Don't touch it!
Man go sit down
Go watch telly
Give me back my teaspoon
Bruv you're not ready